The 5 C’s of Sex Scenes: What I’ve Learned

Ah, glorious, glorious sex scenes.  I love reading them, and I love writing them even more.  Not gonna lie, as a dorky, confused, and sex-starved teen, I started reading romance novels mostly because they had sex in them.  Back in the days when I felt too uncomfortable to talk to my friends about sex (boy, did that change in college – thank GOD!), I internalized a lot of what I read about sex in those novels.  In a way I viewed them as mini-lessons in how sex – and relationships in general – should work.  This wasn't a conscious effort, per se; but back then, before the internets and social media and texting, romance novels were one of the few places (things?) I could go to get a taste of “doing it”, as my cousin Jackie and I used to say.  I learned from the behaviors and wants of the characters; in some twisted way, I tried to make them my own, without much success.

Which probably explains why I have VERY strong opinions about sex scenes in romance novels.  Sure, the sex is fictional, had by fictional people in a fictional universe, but the implications of that fictional sex are, in my option, very real.  I can't help but wonder what a sixteen-year-old reader thinks after finishing a sex scene where there consent isn't discussed, or condoms aren't used, or the heroine doesn't expect or experience an orgasm.  I'm not saying romance novels should be instruction manuals for the bedroom, or that they should necessarily be “moralistic” when it comes to banging.  But I DO think what we read, watch, and listen to influences and even shapes our decisions.  And I DO think consent is essential and condoms/birth control are important and that a girl should DEFINITELY expect an orgasm (guys always do, right?).  And I hope that if that sixteen-year-old reads my book and sees that consent is definitely and explicitly discussed and that condoms are absolutely used and orgasms are deliciously experienced, she'll at least think about them, and she'll know they are a part of safe, happy sex.

But I digress – enough of this soapbox ish.  I've read a LOT of sex scenes in my day, and a while back I started to notice what made a sex scene bad, good, and REALLY good.  While writing my own sexy bits, I tried to figure out the REALLY GOOD stuff – the stuff that, as a reader, makes you curl your toes, sigh in contentment, and wish your boyfriend/lover/husband was home that night, if you know what I mean.  Here we go:

1. CHARACTER

Your sex scene has to be about more than body parts to be amazing.  As the great Sarah MacLean says, “Don't put sex on the page unless it complicates things.”  I couldn't agree more – THIS, more than anything else, is what will make your sex scenes INTERESTING.

Your hero and heroine should spend most of your book in conflict with each other.  For example, in LESSONS IN GRAVITY (Study Abroad #2), Maddie has no interest in a serious relationship after being burned by her parents' divorce – really, she's just looking for a one night stand – but Javier is looking for his forever girl.  He's convinced he wants to get back together with his ex-girlfriend–but then, after a chance encounter, he has mind-blowing sex with Maddie.  Not once.  Not twice.  But, like, four or five times.  He starts to like her.  Maddie starts to like him.  They fight the attraction, clinging to the things they thought they wanted.  But the hotter the sex gets (and it gets HOT), the more they struggle to resist each other.

They want completely different things.  But dang if they don't really hit it off in the bedroom.  The explosive sex they have blurs the lines they've drawn, and makes them question the things they've promised themselves. Oh, the angst!  Delicious angst.  See how this works?  It's the sex (and ensuing attraction/closeness/confidences the hero and heroine share with each other) that throws a wrench into everyone's carefully laid plans.  This makes the scene that much more emotional, and deepens your conflict to a lovely degree.

I also like to explore my character's hang-ups or fears during a sex scene – when done right, this really packs an emotional punch.  In GRAVITY, Maddie is, deep down, terrified of letting a guy get close, lest he hurt her the way her parents did.  She likes her sex fast and hard and anonymous.  And she has that kind of sex with Javier.  But then he turns the tables and asks her to have sex HIS way – he likes it slow, and personal, and very romantic.  Maddie ends up LOVING Javier's kind of sex…so much so that, against her better judgement, she allows herself to recognize she's falling for him, hard.  In a way, the sex brings her face to face with her fear.  She's letting him in, and it's wonderful, but will he only end up hurting her in the end?  She's scared she'll end up broken.  He's scared she'll run.  Again, ANGST.  Complication.  Roaring, orgasm-induced emotion.  All great things when it comes to sex scenes.

2. CREATIVITY

I think it was Elle Kennedy's THE DEAL that really made this lightbulb go off for me.  The heroine's understandably scarred after being raped a few years prior.  So instead of having penis-into-vagina sex, she and the hero engage in a kind of mutual-masturbation thing.  It sounds weird, but believe me, it was HOT and so freaking emotional.  They watch each other touch themselves, and when they come, the climax is just as powerful as if they'd been doing something way more explicit/intense.

My point is: get creative!  There are a million different ways to have sex, or get off, or enjoy your body or another person's.  Good old mish (missionary) can be hot – just read anything by Tessa Dare, you'll thank me later – but so can masturbation, oral, massage, whatever.  For so long I was afraid to go there, thinking it would be boring or weird or lame.  But I think it keeps the sex scenes in your novel feeling fresh and new; the hero and heroine get to experience new things together.  In GRAVITY, Maddie and Javier have quick and dirty sex outside a club against a brick wall; he eats her out in the next scene; they touch and lick and love their way through the rest of the book.

Another opinion: granted, I like my sex scenes, and I like them hot, but I'm kinda disappointed when there's only one in any given romance novel.  I don't write erotica, so my books aren't all sex, all the time, but I do like to sprinkle a hefty dose of the dirty in my plots.  My readers don't seem to mind!

I also like my scenes kinda on the long side.  I just can't seem to help myself – sometimes I'll go over twenty pages on a sex scene!  I put in my earbuds, play some Miguel, and get my fictional freak on.

I have no regrets.

3. CRANK UP THE HEAT

This ties in with being creative.  If you're going to write a sex scene, write a SEX SCENE, y'all.  People who judge you for writing said scenes will judge whether you write plain vanilla sex or wild anal freaky acrobat threesome sex.  So go for the gold.  Write in that clitoris.  Bend the hero over that couch.  Go there.  Get turned on.  So will your readers – and that's a really beautiful thing.

I find that, when it comes to sex scenes, emotion follows heat.  Think about the best, most intense sex you've ever had, and how you felt after.  Your body is all jell-o-ey and your heart is squishy and you just feel…everything.  The hotter the sex, the more intense the connection between your characters becomes.  Embrace that.  Explore it.

4. CONDOMS/CONSENT

So I write contemporary romance, and I recognize that these rules can't necessarily apply to genres like historical or paranormal.  I'm not sure what the logistics of a shapeshifter wolf using a condom would be?  (Side note: Alcide/Joe Manganello I love you forever.)  But it IRKS me to no END when I read a sex scene in a contemporary romance and consent isn't addressed, and neither is the hero and heroine's STD/birth control status.  I think it's reckless and stupid.  I'd like to think that, in real life, my hero and heroine would be frank with each other, share vital information, and be safe.  So I always, always address these issues in my books.  Maddie and Javier ALWAYS use condoms; they also talk about their medical status AND they always seek consent from one another before they do the dirty.  Ya feel me?  Yeah, I'm writing fantasy, but that doesn't mean my characters can't have safe sex.  I think safe sex is sexy sex.